This is just to apologise for the lack of posts in recent months. Hopefully, at some point in the not-too-distant future, one or both of us will be in a position where we feel able to write at blog length! In the meantime, I will continue to use Twitter as much as possible.
Best wishes, and thanks to everyone who has stuck with us. We fully intend to keep going and make this happen.
Love
Hermione
No doubt much of what follows will be a poor echo of wiser minds and better writers, but I feel it is important to give some kind of reaction to the Government’s recent revision of the official definition of domestic violence.
The actual text is available on the Deputy Prime Minister’s website:
The new definition of domestic violence and abuse now states:
“Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality. This can encompass, but is not limited to, the following types of abuse: psychological; physical; sexual; financial; emotional.”
“Controlling behaviour is: a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour.
“Coercive behaviour is: an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.” *
* This definition, which is not a legal definition, includes so called ‘honour’ based violence, female genital mutilation (FGM) and forced marriage, and is clear that victims are not confined to one gender or ethnic group.
I agree with others that this is definitely a positive step, especially in terms of acknowledging that younger people can be victims of domestic abuse. In theory, at least, this means 16-17 year olds will have access to council and social services formerly either denied or restricted. This could save lives and livelihoods, and such welcome progress cannot be overestimated.
The change also takes into account the long-term aims of perpetrators and the effects of emotional abuse, with a pretty good explanation of ‘controlling behaviour’ and one that’s damn near spot on for ‘coercive behaviour’. If nothing else, the new wording will help to raise awareness among officials and the public, and probably encourage victims to recognise their situation and seek help.
Alterations of official texts such as this generally take a lot of time, are often very small and are sometimes out of date by the time they are published. In this context the move is timely and very welcome; but it must be noted that a great deal still needs to be done.
Experts have already raised concerns about the need for funding to local services in order to provide practical support for the change. These few concise paragraphs almost certainly translate into a lot of research, training and extra field work for organisations that lack staff and resources even now. It remains to be seen whether this austerity government will understand that addressing the issue properly requires opening its pockets.
Another substantial problem is that this new definition is not legal. The ongoing patterns of abusive behaviour have been acknowledged but no offences have been created, despite this having been called for by women’s groups. Police are expected to prosecute under the existing 1997 Protection from Harassment Act, which is notorious for its ineffective restraining orders. Admittedly threats of violence carry sentences of up to five years (is that five years for each threat?) but this has to be explicit; mere ‘harassment’ is punishable only by six months or a fine.
In my view, while the definition is broader, the text fails to make clear the aggression inherent in campaigns of abuse. It does not deal with the fact that abuse lasts for many years and tends to escalate in many cases; emotional abuse victims are put in fear often by manipulation as well as outright threats, and are almost always in real physical danger, since the abuser has no scruple in resorting to more severe methods in order to maintain control. This is also true of ‘honour’ crimes; women and girls who suffer this form of cruelty are generally subjected to the same techniques. It isn’t only about making us subordinate and dependent; victims are also made to feel worthless and horribly guilty, and it’s pretty clear that abusers see us as less than human.
We need new legislation and new criminal offences to reflect all of this; I also believe that domestic abuse should be considered an aggravating factor in sentencing for other crimes, especially assault, threats of violence, manslaughter and murder. Further, I think that where the perpetrator is a young person, their own background should be investigated. People generally do as they are taught, and many inflict their own pain on others.
Ultimately, of course, none of this will be of much use to victims unless there are real and significant changes in the way families, relationships, women and children are viewed. The late revelations about the Rochdale grooming case, wherein the young teenage victims were looked upon as ‘prostitutes’ who had made a ‘life choice’ are poignantly illustrative. All too often society reinforces the blame that abusers force onto their victims. This has to stop.
A few months ago I discovered a superb website called Manboobz, which outlines, quotes from and mercilessly mocks the sordid trash regularly spewed by so-called ‘men’s rights activists’ (MRAs). These odd folk appear to believe in a topsy-turvy version of reality wherein women are the privileged ones and men are routinely persecuted by extreme establishment feminists.
It’s farcical and often amusing, but there is an undercurrent of hatred and rage that is sometimes deeply sinister. Under the banner of ‘men’s rights’ fester the bitter germs of misogyny and homophobia along with a whole host of other dirty little prejudices. It’s frightening, not least because in some of the quoted remarks I have noticed arguments similar to those used by perpetrators of domestic violence against both spouses and children – including some unpleasant reminders of my own past experiences. Here are a few of the features MRAs and domestic abusers appear to have in common:
1. Use of a patriarchal moral code as an excuse for controlling behaviour
This includes abusers who refer to parts of Christianity or Islam as justification for “corrective punishment”. Men are considered the heads of the household, with God-given responsibility for how ‘their’ women behave; women, meanwhile, act irrationally and childishly, so need to be ‘mastered’. A Woman’s Place is the Kitchen. Welcome to the 19th century.
2. Devaluation of women as a group
This may be the theme that most frequently appears on Manboobz: women are irrational, over-emotional, partial, gold-diggers, spendthrifts, talentless, dependent, cruel, manipulative, emotionally abusive, useless, worthless, overrated for their ability to give birth, constantly taking credit and funding for men’s achievements. Variations on this eyebrow-raising theme include: Western women are unfeminine/ unsubmissive/ entitled and therefore unloveable; only female MRAs are any good; once women get to [somewhere between 20-30, usually] they automatically become unattractive and lose all their worth, especially if they have not Married or Had Babies. What this tosh basically amounts to is that women have no purpose except to be directed by, and in service to, a man. Whatever.
3 Assertion of men’s superiority
By contrast to those unworthy women, of course, men are stronger, cleverer, better. They are responsible for everything great in this world. They are rational, moral, upright beings and women simply cannot match up to them, but must instead be obedient to their great wisdom and fair judgements. Feminist men, of course, are excluded from this club of super-beings; they have chosen instead to let the emotional women rule in order to be approved and therefore attain that Holy Grail of manhood, intimate relations.
4. Defending violence and those who commit it
Victim-blaming, denial, excuses, minimisation, double-bind, inconsistent arguments – every technique that abusers deploy to justify their actions can almost certainly be found somewhere parroted by MRAs. Even child abuse has been defended in this way. All of it is disgusting.
5. Display of a ‘persecution complex’
A common tactic of campaigners for people in power to maintain their privileges is to try to divert attention from the simple facts by reframing the issue and casting themselves as victims. MRA groups seem to whine interminably that the Establishment is overrun with feminists, while they, the very standard-bearers of truth, are shamelessly tortured and derogated, all the while being denied their fair share of female, uh, ‘companionship’. (My father used to be a big fan of this one. He’d constantly call people names and then claim they were persecuting him. Also, his unbelievable kindness in giving me houseroom while I was growing up made him a mug, because I was so horrible to him. Yep, charming guy.)
6. Inconsistent and arbitrary actions and arguments
You’d think that advocates of ‘discipline’ would keep to their own rules, but no. Abusers set things up so that their victims are never in a position to feel good about themselves. MRAs also seem to change the focus of their rants constantly – for example, women shouldn’t take work away from men, but are too reliant on men to pay the bills; women should stay away from the front lines in battle but making this province exclusive to men renders them ‘disposable’; women who sleep around are called all manner of nasty names but if they won’t sleep with the MRA in question…they’re called nasty names too. Conclusion: we’re fundamentally, irrevocably, irredeemably bad.
7. High levels of anger
I’m routinely stunned by how angry MRAs appear. It’s as if they hate everyone and everything except themselves. Along with women and feminist men, the rants sometimes comprehend alternative sources of ‘otherness’, so that the relevant forums play host not only to extreme chauvinism, but to homophobia, racism, transphobia, ableism and many more unhealthy bigotries.
8. Women as a general target for blame
This is covered somewhat in the points above, but is worth singling out because it appears so often. I think casual passers-by could be forgiven for thinking that MRAs blame women and/or feminism for everything that goes wrong in their lives. Did you trip over this morning? That’s feminists’ fault!
Sorry for the long post. I hope at least some of it was worth reading.
This is just to say we have added a new page reposting some of the links we found in our previous incarnation. This will be updated as we find new items; any suggestions via the comments are welcome.
We’ve also created a Twitter account @feministwiep, which is intended to allow us to post news items on a daily basis and still have the capacity to make additional comments here.
We hope these changes will make a positive difference for our readers.
Best wishes
The administrators
US: Once again, it’s all women’s fault
The board, comprise[sic] of five men, tried to out do each other with their reasoning to reject the critical funds.
Commissioner Rick Caitlin said it was “using taxpayer dollars to fund someone’s irresponsibility.”
Commissioner Jonathan Barfield said he was “one of those abstinence guys.”
The chair of the board, Ted Davis, could not be shown up by his fellow board members. “If these young women are being responsible and didn’t have the sex to begin with, we wouldn’t have this problem to begin with.”
As the Care2 article implies, women sleeping with themselves would not produce unwanted children. But men don’t ever seem to get the blame or the responsibility, do they?
Morocco: Girl commits suicide after being forced to marry her rapist
http://www.care2.com/causes/girl-commits-suicide-after-being-forced-to-marry-rapist.html
That’s a 16-year-old girl, who faced violence in the home following her marriage, while the rapist was allowed immunity from prosecution because he married her and thus saved her “honour”.
Twitter hashtag: #IDidNotReport
http://www.care2.com/causes/break-the-silence-on-sexual-assault-ididnotreport-twitter-hashtag.html
A campaign to break the silence on rape and sexual assault has produced a lot of tweets on this category, with some interesting and worrying stories showing why people did not report what happened to them.
Maybe quite a lot of it is related to this story. However, there is some good news here.
US: The Republican Party may have a woman problem
http://www.care2.com/causes/the-republican-party-may-have-a-woman-problem.html
The biggest thing driving them from supporting Republicans? The battle over birth control. And it’s not ending any time soon. Female legislators are urging Speaker of the House John Boehner to give up the contraception fight, writing in a letter that, “Specifically, we are asking that you abandon the promise you have made to bring legislation to the House floor similar to the Blunt amendment … which would turn the clock back on women’s access to health care…Women have had enough.”
Boehner’s spokesman responded that the Speaker will continue to support freedom of religion.
In other words, the ability of religious organisations to assert complete control over the minutiae of people’s lives. Nice.
Egypt: Nude calendar protests Muslim oppression of women
http://www.care2.com/causes/nude-calendar-protests-muslim-oppression-of-women.html
An inspiring move by a very brave young woman.
Yemen: Saving the lives of pregnant women
http://www.care2.com/causes/saving-the-lives-of-pregnant-women-in-yemen.html
A report on midwives who offer life-saving interventions in a country with one of the highest childbirth mortality rates in the world.
US: Teen sues school for announcing she was pregnant at assembly
http://www.care2.com/causes/teen-sues-school-for-announcing-she-was-pregnant-at-assembly.html
After being forced to let Hicks return to school or face a lawsuit from the American Civil Liberties Union, Wingate Elementary School in McKinley, New Mexico, let Hicks back in. Then, they held an all-school assembly where they made Hicks tell all of the students that she was pregnant. …
Hicks is suing the school for violating Title IX, which prohibits sex and pregnancy discrimination in education. The school is saying that the move was justified, as otherwise she would be setting a bad example for other students. But Hicks’ lawyers argue that the public outing was punishment for her refusing their offer of a transfer to an “alternative school.”
UK: Unreported rapes
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/unreported-rapes-the-silent-shame-7561636.html
A worrying survey that shows very many women are still afraid and/or ashamed to report rape or sexual assault, and they are not helped by the media or social perceptions. Chilling stuff. It seems we still have a long way to go.
US: News anchor dismissed by car dealers because she is a woman
http://www.care2.com/causes/sexist-car-salesman-dismisses-cnbc-anchor-asks-where-her-husband-is.html
When Quick asked questions about the car, the salesman directed all his answers to Quick’s husband, that is, until her husband asked him not to. Adding insult to injury, when the salesman took down her contact information he asked specifically for her home number saying, “Obviously you don’t have a work phone.” I guess someone doesn’t watch the Squawk Show every morning on CNBC.
This may seem like a relatively minor tale, but it bugs me. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. How far removed is this sort of casual sexism from Saudi Arabia’s driving ban? This makes me think the two are scarily close. Read the comments on the article for further horrors.
US: Unsurprising Rush insults
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/05/sandra-fluke-addresses-ru_n_1321357.html
Rush Limbaugh being nasty and sexist is no surprise whatsoever, but this news story seems to show the lie of the land at present. Sandra Fluke, a law student, testified before Congress in support of free contraception, whereupon shock jock and all round tosser Limbaugh called her a ‘slut’. He later issued a half-baked apology for his ‘poor choice of words’ but thankfully eight of his erstwhile sponsors have not been forgiving. Let us hope others follow suit.
The Republicans’ attempts to obstruct abortion rights and access to birth control continue apace as the US election primaries heat up, and the attacks appear increasingly wide-ranging and cohesive. In particular, the primary candidates’ recent statements are ill omens of what might happen in the frightening event of a Republican retaking the presidency. It’s a worrying time for American women.
The prevalence of these reports has set me thinking about what could be causing the attacks. On the surface the answers are obvious: the Republicans have always been averse to family planning and women’s rights, and fond of militant Christianity. The latter is showing up a lot in the philosophies of the two leading primary candidates, and might well lead one to believe that religion is the root cause of women’s oppression, at least in terms of birth control. But there’s a lot more to it than that.
To begin with, it’s very clear that in opposing birth control as well as abortion, these conservatives have shown they are not really interested in saving unborn children, but in hindering women’s ability to control their own bodies. That much is probably obvious, at least to feminists, and there’s no doubt religious patriarchy has a lot to answer for. But why is it such a massive issue? Well, I think the bottom line is not so much about women’s right to birth control, but about men’s right to reproduce.
Fundamentally, as animals, most people experience the drive to produce and rear offspring, to ensure the survival of our genes. In the scheme of things, some are more successful than others; as among non-human animals, men and women have the ability to select partners, and methods of courting. A significant number of men choose deception, manipulation or force. What happens if their female victims become pregnant? In an enlightened society, women have the freedom to decide whether to keep or abort the foetus. Republicans, however, believe that the woman should be obliged to carry the pregnancy to term. Rick Santorum would even advise his daughter that the child is a gift from God and must be cherished. But we’ve already pointed out the obvious: the crusade against abortion is not about foetal rights. So, forcing a woman to keep a baby, however it was conceived, is about protecting the father’s ability to ensure his evolutionary survival – even if he is a rapist, domestic abuser, or other criminal. In essence, prohibiting birth control allows men to become fathers by force, regardless of the pain women incur in the process.
So much for all that Republican heartstring-tugging anti-abortion propaganda. They don’t really care what happens to women or children, just so long as men can procreate without the inconvenience of asking first.
UK: Women’s Aid release new guidance on digital stalking
The guidelines, which are funded by the Nominet Trust and Avon, contain practical advice on how to reduce the risk of being stalked online. They can also be used for training organisations which deal with stalking and domestic violence cases, including the police and other key agencies.
UN: Secretary-General urges African countries to end discrimination against women and LGBT people
http://www.un.org/apps/news/story.asp?NewsID=41073&Cr=African+Union&Cr1=#
“The Universal Declaration of Human Rights is a promise to all people in all places at all times,” Mr. told African leaders gathered in the Ethiopian capital, Addis Ababa, for the annual Summit of the African Union (AU).
He cited discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity as one of the injustices that has been ignored or even sanctioned by many States for too long.
“This has prompted some governments to treat people as second-class citizens, or even criminals. Confronting this discrimination is a challenge. But we must live up to the ideals of the Universal Declaration,” Mr. Ban told the Summit, held in a new conference centre funded and built by China.
Thanks to the Feminist Majority Foundation for the link.
US: Girls excluded from school field trip
http://www.care2.com/causes/boys-get-to-go-on-expensive-field-trip-girls-stay-at-school.html
Why only boys? Dahlander said: “There is only so much available space at the movie theater, so the decision was made for boys to attend the movie. Girls stayed at school but principals were given the option to show them ‘Akeelah and the Bee.’”
The Dallas district, which is governed by a board of trustees and operated on a daily basis by an interim superintendent, has made no apologies for the disparate treatment of students. The rationale, they told the Dallas Morning News, was that they thought boys would enjoy the combat movie more than the girls.
This intrigues me. I have to echo the question asked by Care2: What on earth were they thinking?
US: Sex crime cover-up at Yale
http://www.care2.com/causes/sex-crime-cover-up-at-yale-and-college-campuses.html
The 29 cases were all heard by a campus disciplinary committee and were voluntarily reported. Many of the rape cases were “found not to be substantial enough to pursue further because the victim was incapacitated at the time and could not provide a clear account of the alleged crime,” says Potter. But in the case in which the committee found that crimes had occurred, the student (a male student) was given a “sentence” of a one-semester suspension for assault, battery, stalking and forced sex. In a case in which a Yale student made an “informal complaint” that a male student had “nonconsensual sex” with her, the accused student was simply (says the Yale report) “counseled … on appropriate conduct” and restrictions were “imposed… on contact between the parties.”
I think that paragraph speaks for itself.
In other news, it seems the Republican presidential candidates are falling over themselves to denounce the Obama administration on their decision to ensure employers include birth control in their health coverage even if they are Catholic. You’d think they’d be occupied enough with the fight to undermine Roe v Wade. But there it is. Clearly they are of the firm belief that women exist on this planet to be baby factories. I do hope the US electorate will realise this, and vote accordingly.
Tangential moment of autobiography
The magnificent posts on depression on Hyperbole and a Half caused me to view my own depression in a light I had never quite seen before. In particular this is true of the concept, so difficult to comprehend objectively, of loss of feeling.
When I was growing up and faced emotional abuse on an almost daily basis, as I was slowly conditioned to form the conviction that I was entirely worthless, my feelings were all over the place – more so, I believe, than the usual teenage hormonal rollercoaster. I began increasingly to invest my energies in the Great Problem that my life had become, without quite realising any of it – that is, how to atone to my father for whatever dreadful sin I had inadvertently committed, which had resulted in his apparently unconquerable anger at me. Very small matters could render me ecstatic on the one hand or desperately miserable on the other; I constantly produced ideas for solving the Great Problem, which delighted me while I thought they could work – this could be the one thing I need to do! – and sent me into another spiral of utter despair, as soon as I found I had failed, yet again.
I think eventually I just ran out of hope, and consequently forgot how to be happy. It’s a memory I have not yet recovered. When pleasant events happen to me, even the most minor ones, I have got into a situation where I can accept and understand them cognitively, but in my personal, emotional experience they do not register. The result is a feeling of unreality, as if I am watching these things happen to someone else. It’s so insidious that I did not comprehend until recently how extensive it really is.
It’s there when I make sound everyday decisions, challenging even my basic competence as an ordinary adult.
It’s there now, as I write this.
It was palpable yesterday, when I received a piece of really good news; at first I was unable to believe the truth of it; now I doubt that I could possibly deserve the benefit conferred on me. It still feels as though some impossibly distant creature, with my name and identity, has received it instead.
I have never before understood so perfectly the fact that depression is a medical condition. I am now becoming enlightened as to what that means in practice for me; that for the vast majority of the time, the only genuine feelings I seem to experience are despair, fear and misery. But perhaps that will change one day, and I’m holding grimly on to the fact that, as Allie put it, maybe not everything is hopeless bullshit.